Chuck vs the Pain of the Past
by rachel-rage
Summary: Chuck encounters heartbreak, at his own hands. Beware, Jill haters- she is in this story. Chuck/Sarah. Oneshot


My very first fan fic here. I don't own Chuck, reviews are very welcome. Thanks and enjoy!

Sarah entered the room carefully, gun drawn and at eye level. It was plain; cement floors, white drywall. She couldn't see anyone in it, so she moved stealthily towards the opposite door. She was just crossing the middle of the room when a booted foot jumped into her eye line and smashed her gun out of her hand. Sarah jumped, and reflexively turned into a roundhouse kick, but her foot hit nothing but air. She looked up and saw to her complete and utter shock, Jill, Chuck's first love and biggest betrayal, standing there in fighting position, grinning smugly.

"Thought you could just waltz on by me and I wouldn't take advantage, Agent Walker?" Jill taunted as she backed away from Sarah, who was crouched and analyzing her options. "Thought you could just steal Chuck away from me, turn him against me, and I wouldn't come back to make you regret it?" The smile became less pronounced on her face as a scowl took its place.

"Steal Chuck?" Sarah wondered aloud. "Me, steal Chuck? Hate to break it to you, Jill," she spat the word out like it was a swear, "But Chuck made that choice on his own. If you're looking for the culprit behind his changed mind, take a look in the mirror."

At this Jill's barely repressed fury bubbled over and she lunged at Sarah, a knife drawn from a strap on her leg. Sarah leapt backwards, and barely avoided the sharp blade. She was now in trouble, and she knew it.

All of a sudden, Jill's eyes left Sarah's and found something of more interest behind her. Sarah, ignoring all her instincts and training, moved her head in a barely noticeable movement to see what was behind her.

She saw a white shirt, a gray tie, and…black Converse. She looked into Chuck's big brown eyes and saw pain, and then her attention was diverted by what was in his hands: a gun. The gun and his hand were clearly shaking, but his voice was strong, filled with conviction.

"Jill. Let Sarah go, now." Sarah turned her head again to see Jill's face fill with shock and fury.

"Again, you choose her over me? After Stanford, after everything, you would still take this blonde b**ch over me?" Sarah saw red, but contained her anger, knowing it would endanger Chuck and herself.

"After everything? Jill, you betrayed me twice. I trust Sarah. She would never hurt me like you have." At this, Jill's fury broke. Again, she lunged at Sarah, who had not been watching as attentively as she should have been. All she saw was the silver glint off the blade coming at her, and fearing for Chuck's safety after she was gone. Just as the knife was about to touch her, she heard the sharp crack of a gunshot.

The gun clattered to the floor. Chuck looked at his hand almost curiously, as if he couldn't fathom what had just happened in that space. His focus adjusted, and he looked at the gun, motionless on the cement. He looked up. The person that he had just turned into a very big paperweight was sprawled out on the floor, immobile. Off to the side was Sarah, bruised and battered, her jaw dropped, her eyes wide. Behind her, an empty doorway, suddenly filled by Casey, who took one look at the occupants of the room and grunted in shock. Chuck felt his legs start to give, but strengthened his resolve to remain standing, just as Sarah arrived at his side, holding him for support.

Chuck looked up again. The body…the person whose life he had just ended… Jill's body. There had been a time when Chuck had wanted nothing more than to be close to Jill, to fill her with joy and laughter. And now, he had filled her with lead.

Chuck glanced over at Sarah's still worried face, saw her mouth move, but the shock was thick in his brain, muffling his hearing. He instinctively saw Casey move to Jill's body, pick it up, and walk out of the room. As soon as Casey's judgmental personality was gone, Chuck collapsed. Sarah kneeled by his side, anxious, as always.

"Chuck. Chuck, you saved my life."

"I… I killed her. Jill. I came into the room...she was hurting you. I picked the gun up, I fired it. It hit Jill. She died. I killed her." Chuck couldn't form more coherent sentences. He looked into Sarah's eyes, filled with fear. "What do I do now?"

Sarah couldn't think straight either. Chuck had killed Jill to save her life. She had been in hand-to-hand combat with the surprisingly adept Jill, and she knew Chuck had a gun, but she would never have believed he could pull the trigger. Jill had lunged at her in fury when the gunshot rang out. Sarah had looked sharply behind her, not believing Chuck could have fired it, but he stood there, staring at his hand, and no one else was in the room. She had gotten up and run to him as soon as Casey had left with Jill's body.

"Chuck, we have to go. We have to get out of here, come on." With force, she pulled him to a standing position, and she half-pulled him out of the room, out of the building, into the bright sunlight, which seemed to mock the shock and terror on Chuck's face. She near shoved him into the van Casey had waiting, jumped in herself, and said, "Let's go." She refused to meet Casey's questioning eye, and soon they found themselves speeding down the freeway, hurtling toward Castle.

When he thought about it afterward, Chuck couldn't name the moment when he snapped back into having conscious brain waves. He wasn't sure if it was en route to Castle…no, that couldn't be it. He remembered slumping against Sarah as she pulled him into the Orange Orange. He thought it could be when Casey left Castle, saying he would go tell Big Mike that Chuck wasn't coming in today. All he knew was, when he "came to", Sarah was sitting off by herself in the corner of the room, throwing him anxious glances.

"Sarah? Sarah, how are you?" At his voice, she looked up sharply, and awkwardly, Chuck got up to go sit by her. She was shocked that he could even consider her well being right now. He had just killed his first love, for her safety. Again, as she so often was, she was stunned at his constant concern for others.

"Chuck, I'm fine, and I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

"I'm…I'm alright." He found himself answering, surprised at its truthfulness. "It had to come sometime."

"What did, Chuck?" Sarah was truly puzzled.

"The first time I had to kill someone. In this line of work, I can't imagine you could get by without it." He tried to crack a joke, even attempted a smile, but the sadness in his eyes told Sarah otherwise.

"I'm…I'm sorry it had to be Jill, Chuck. I'm sorry you felt obligated to kill her for me. I should have been more prepared…you shouldn't have had to do that." In a rare moment of emotion, she dropped her head in her hands. Now he would feel guilty forever. She remembered her first kill. It had taken her months to stop thinking about it, stop having nightmares.

"Sarah. Do you honestly think this me so upset because it's Jill? Sarah, she had a knife to you. She was going to kill you…you, the woman I love. I'm sorry I had to end a life, but I would never hesitate if it was your safety against hers. Ever. I didn't even think… it was just a reaction." He looked into her eyes, almost angry that she would ever take the blame for this. She was trying to protect his inept butt from being killed, and he hadn't even thought when he had seen she was in trouble. It was an instinct. Sarah's safety came first.

"You're not upset that you killed Jill?" Sarah had imagined every moment of silence on the way home to be Chuck mourning his first love. She never had imagined that he had done it for her.

"I am…I was upset that I ended a life. I never thought I'd be able to do it. I always thought that when push came to shove, I wouldn't be able to take someone's life. And I'm worried about what it will be like living with that. But the fact that it's Jill? I don't relish the thought that she's dead, but I'm not mourning her. She betrayed me, Sarah. And she tried to kill you. I couldn't let her hurt you."

Sarah couldn't take it anymore. The tears she had been holding back spilled over, landing on her still-blood splattered arm. She hadn't even changed out of her mission clothes, she had been so anxious not to leave Chuck. At the sight of her tears, Chuck wrapped an arm around her and made to pull her close, but she put her hand on his shoulder and kept him at arm's length. She touched her other hand softly to his cheek.  
"Chuck…I'm sorry. And thank you. I'm here now because of you. You saved my life."

Chuck's face still had traces of pain, but he smiled in return. "I think I owed you one."

He leaned down and softly touched his lips to hers. Chuck became completely involved in the sensation of being this close to Sarah, and he pulled her in tighter, adjusting his head so it rested on her shoulder. They held each other close, Chuck trying to ignore this new part of himself he would have to face.

Sarah nestled her face into his collarbone, trying to soothe the tender place in her heart that ached every time Chuck amazed her like this.


End file.
